Being a Mom

For so long motherhood was a dream that seemed so unattainable and so far away.  Frustration and sadness were feelings that I lived with daily.  Then adoption was the plan and that brought new purpose to our lives.  The paper chase was fast and furious with twists and turns that caused daily changes in how we were forming our family.  The buildup to an adoption is so different than pregnancy.  We don't have the growing belly, instead we have over three inches of paperwork with finger printing, visas, and LOIs to wait for, in addition to many uncertainties and little control. 
However, it was all worth it when we walked into room nine and saw Zachary in his playpen with his huge eyes staring right at us. For us, instant love.  The next six years were filled with joy and happines, soon it was time to go back to Karaganda.  I remember spending time with the babies and Don and I looked at each other, knowing in that instant that we were going to have another son.  Alex was so little, had beautiful blue eyes red from a cold, and a thumb that was forever in his mouth.  Who knew that our little guy would grow up to be such a ball of fire? 
Today I watch them and marvel at their growth.  Zack will be eleven!  He has such a great sense of humor and has embraced the moody preteen phase with all he's got;)  He loves music and is in a band with his buddies, rocking out to AC/DC and sitting at the "The Burnin' Rockers lunch table" with his buddies.  Alex, who will be four, has the energy and fire of I don't know what.  He plays, learns, and loves with abandon, throwing himself into everything he does.  He is smart, loving, and hits a baseball like it's his job!
I am sure that more of the adoption questions will come, as will the sadness; but I know that they will also understand that we moved heaven and earth to be their parents.  I couldn't imagine being the mom to anyone other than Zachary and Alexander.